There's a saying that goes something like you haven't failed until you've given up. Which means my attempt to be a blogger hasn't failed even after a year of absence because here I am writing again.
I realize I still have a lot I'd like to say, a lot I'd like to share so for what it's worth share it I will.
Lately I have been thinking of the Grace and Mercy that has been extended to us as humans; me specifically. How it is so easy to waste that Grace to toss it out like yesterdays coffee in today's travel mug. At times I fail miserably lavishing it on others and fail to drink it in myself.
My life would be tremendously different if I followed what I truly believed. Yet today is a new day. His Mercies were new this morning and I guess that's what Grace is all about; believing I get another chance today to try again. As long as I keep trying I haven't failed.
There is no safer place than in Christ's Grace to try again.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, August 6, 2010
Grace Flows Down.
I am a perfectionist at heart. Well, actually a reverse perfectionist which maybe even worse because I tend to get stuck like a deer in the head lights if I am not able to perform a task perfectly. I find it hard to accomplish a lot of things even though I have some big dreams.
I can keep the house clean and manage the laundry… for the most part. However there is a task I was asked to do and accepted responsibility to do but feel like I am stuck spinning my wheels.
Oh it’s not entirely my fault. The road to completion is in the process of being revamped. * For more than a year I have felt as if someone dropped me off in the middle of a blizzard on a steep-snowy-icy-mountain pass without a 4x4 or chains to get me to where I need to go.
I’m not mad. It’s nobody’s fault. On the contrary I want to please so bad I tend to make myself sick. It has in fact been the perfect breeding ground for the voice of the accuser of the brethren; and although I recognize and can combat that wicked voice even the strongest warrior gets fatigued and discouraged. Somehow in that place of mental fatigue those seeds of discouragement took root I lost my perspective. I started to believe the lie that I dropped the ball that everyone was talking about the terrible job I was doing and because of this I felt like I was floundering. And I started to feel like I was spiritually floundering. Everything I tried to do or every attempt I made to progress landed flat.
That all changed at church a couple of weeks ago during worship. We were singing Grace Flows Down. As I was singing with my arms in the air praising the Lord in my mind’s eye I saw His Grace, His Blood, flowing over me from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet and I am free!
Whatever my failings (whether true failings, or things twisted in my mind to look like failings...) they are covered. Whatever I lack He supplies. Whether I am battle weary or victorious whenever I need Him He is there.
(*As a side note the Ministry Information that was being revamped that I have been waiting for over a year was just recently released and I am now learning online how to ‘do’ this!)
I am a perfectionist at heart. Well, actually a reverse perfectionist which maybe even worse because I tend to get stuck like a deer in the head lights if I am not able to perform a task perfectly. I find it hard to accomplish a lot of things even though I have some big dreams.
I can keep the house clean and manage the laundry… for the most part. However there is a task I was asked to do and accepted responsibility to do but feel like I am stuck spinning my wheels.
Oh it’s not entirely my fault. The road to completion is in the process of being revamped. * For more than a year I have felt as if someone dropped me off in the middle of a blizzard on a steep-snowy-icy-mountain pass without a 4x4 or chains to get me to where I need to go.
I’m not mad. It’s nobody’s fault. On the contrary I want to please so bad I tend to make myself sick. It has in fact been the perfect breeding ground for the voice of the accuser of the brethren; and although I recognize and can combat that wicked voice even the strongest warrior gets fatigued and discouraged. Somehow in that place of mental fatigue those seeds of discouragement took root I lost my perspective. I started to believe the lie that I dropped the ball that everyone was talking about the terrible job I was doing and because of this I felt like I was floundering. And I started to feel like I was spiritually floundering. Everything I tried to do or every attempt I made to progress landed flat.
That all changed at church a couple of weeks ago during worship. We were singing Grace Flows Down. As I was singing with my arms in the air praising the Lord in my mind’s eye I saw His Grace, His Blood, flowing over me from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet and I am free!
Whatever my failings (whether true failings, or things twisted in my mind to look like failings...) they are covered. Whatever I lack He supplies. Whether I am battle weary or victorious whenever I need Him He is there.
(*As a side note the Ministry Information that was being revamped that I have been waiting for over a year was just recently released and I am now learning online how to ‘do’ this!)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Stand
The Stand is a new to me worship song that we sang in church a couple of weeks ago. It really moved me.
As we were standing in worship we came to the part of the song that says:
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I felt the Lord whisper a question to my spirit. “You were willing to sell ‘it all’ to go to Nicaragua, are you willing to ‘sell it all’ to stay in the United States and minister to those who need ME here?” …and oddly enough after He finished His question I felt a release, and a door close to Nicaragua, and I am grieving for it all over again.
It is a lot easier for me to imagine that The Great Commission means to go to a mission field faraway rather than a mission field here in the US.
Yet I realize The Great Commission isn’t about what I think makes sense; but what the Father has planned.
Here is a link to one of the versions of the song on YouTube, followed by the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1JyZ5yvE0&feature=related
THE STAND
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
As we were standing in worship we came to the part of the song that says:
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I felt the Lord whisper a question to my spirit. “You were willing to sell ‘it all’ to go to Nicaragua, are you willing to ‘sell it all’ to stay in the United States and minister to those who need ME here?” …and oddly enough after He finished His question I felt a release, and a door close to Nicaragua, and I am grieving for it all over again.
It is a lot easier for me to imagine that The Great Commission means to go to a mission field faraway rather than a mission field here in the US.
Yet I realize The Great Commission isn’t about what I think makes sense; but what the Father has planned.
Here is a link to one of the versions of the song on YouTube, followed by the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1JyZ5yvE0&feature=related
THE STAND
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I have had a terrible summer. There I said it, it's 'out there'. I won't go into the gory details so please just take my word it was horrid.
To cope I have lost myself in a TV series on DVD. Is it Christian? Not by a long shot. In fact some of it I almost get up and turn off and don't. I am curious how it is going to end, or rather how it continues, either way I don't shut it off. Oh it's not horrible by any means it just doesn't reinforce anything that has to do with Christianity and in fact sometimes takes cheap shots at Christians. A point I will come back to in a minute.
I know I need to be praying more, but you know what? I am prayed out. I don't even know where to begin. God help us all is about all that I can manage right now.
The other day I thought "I really need to pray. But I have distanced myself from the daily devotions, prayer, Bible reading etc and have so lost myself in this TV series that I don't deserve to come to the throne of God, I am not worthy to have Him help.'
HIS immediate compassionate reply? "You never were worthy, you never did deserve to come."
We sang a song in church today an old hymn At Calvary the chorus says:
MERCY there was great and GRACE was free
Pardoned there was multiplied to me
There my BURDENED SOUL found LIBERTY
At Calvary
The light bulb came on! I can not earn, nor do I deserve Mercy, Grace, or Liberty they are a precious gift lavished on me by a Gracious God. (Another song we sang called Him Gracious One.)
Now back to that previous point I was going to make.
That TV series that I love? Where they portray Christians as rigid uncaring people? Maybe we deserve that.
May I lavish the Mercy and Grace God has so freely given me onto others around me.
To cope I have lost myself in a TV series on DVD. Is it Christian? Not by a long shot. In fact some of it I almost get up and turn off and don't. I am curious how it is going to end, or rather how it continues, either way I don't shut it off. Oh it's not horrible by any means it just doesn't reinforce anything that has to do with Christianity and in fact sometimes takes cheap shots at Christians. A point I will come back to in a minute.
I know I need to be praying more, but you know what? I am prayed out. I don't even know where to begin. God help us all is about all that I can manage right now.
The other day I thought "I really need to pray. But I have distanced myself from the daily devotions, prayer, Bible reading etc and have so lost myself in this TV series that I don't deserve to come to the throne of God, I am not worthy to have Him help.'
HIS immediate compassionate reply? "You never were worthy, you never did deserve to come."
We sang a song in church today an old hymn At Calvary the chorus says:
MERCY there was great and GRACE was free
Pardoned there was multiplied to me
There my BURDENED SOUL found LIBERTY
At Calvary
The light bulb came on! I can not earn, nor do I deserve Mercy, Grace, or Liberty they are a precious gift lavished on me by a Gracious God. (Another song we sang called Him Gracious One.)
Now back to that previous point I was going to make.
That TV series that I love? Where they portray Christians as rigid uncaring people? Maybe we deserve that.
May I lavish the Mercy and Grace God has so freely given me onto others around me.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Late Bloomer
Spring has come late to my neck of the woods. All of our trees have been several weeks late in exchanging their dry winter browns for the greens of spring.
We have one tree in particular that has been lagging behind the rest. Which means it seems like it is never ever going to be green. In fact it still has more dead seed pods on its branches than it has green sprouting leaves. The fact we live across the street from a gorgeously greening blossoming park is not helping matters.
This tree has stayed dormant for so long we thought it was dead. I was honestly thinking of getting out pruning shears or a chainsaw –whichever I could find first- to cut into it to see if it were still alive. I couldn’t figure out what its deal was. The Aspen close to it is filling out quite nicely this year. It is taller, fuller and quite beautiful. The Japanese Maple on the other end of the yard is an absolutely brilliant rich red in all of its glory.
But last week was the first sign of life on the tree in question. Just in time too I was beginning to wonder what its problem was. Why didn’t it just get with the program? Did this tree not know it was spring? Did this tree not care what an eyesore it was? Does it not know I am looking forward to its shade? Did this tree not know that the biggest festival of the year is coming up this weekend in the park across the street? Does it not know how hard it is to sell a house with a dead tree in the front yard?
The tree doesn’t really seem to be bothered by me, and my questioning of it. It doesn’t seem to be jealous or hurried by the other trees in the yard. It seems to be very confident in its timetable.
Perhaps it stayed dormant this long out of self preservation. In the tree’s defense it did snow here about a month ago. Perhaps it stayed dormant so it didn’t get hurt, or lose its limbs.
Whatever its reasoning I do know that when it does blossom it is absolutely beautiful and it provides the largest amount of shade for us. Perhaps that is why I so want it to bloom because I know its full potential.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the thought that I had this weekend – Jealousy and bitterness robs us of the Hope and Anticipation of what God is going to do in us and through us.
I have decided instead of focusing on what has happened in the past and on things that others are able or ‘getting’ to do that I need to start praying into what The Lord wants to do through me in the future, but I can’t do that if I my thoughts are a quagmire jealousy and bitterness. I am determined to have thoughts that are focused on Hope and Anticipation. (even if it kills me)
We have one tree in particular that has been lagging behind the rest. Which means it seems like it is never ever going to be green. In fact it still has more dead seed pods on its branches than it has green sprouting leaves. The fact we live across the street from a gorgeously greening blossoming park is not helping matters.
This tree has stayed dormant for so long we thought it was dead. I was honestly thinking of getting out pruning shears or a chainsaw –whichever I could find first- to cut into it to see if it were still alive. I couldn’t figure out what its deal was. The Aspen close to it is filling out quite nicely this year. It is taller, fuller and quite beautiful. The Japanese Maple on the other end of the yard is an absolutely brilliant rich red in all of its glory.
But last week was the first sign of life on the tree in question. Just in time too I was beginning to wonder what its problem was. Why didn’t it just get with the program? Did this tree not know it was spring? Did this tree not care what an eyesore it was? Does it not know I am looking forward to its shade? Did this tree not know that the biggest festival of the year is coming up this weekend in the park across the street? Does it not know how hard it is to sell a house with a dead tree in the front yard?
The tree doesn’t really seem to be bothered by me, and my questioning of it. It doesn’t seem to be jealous or hurried by the other trees in the yard. It seems to be very confident in its timetable.
Perhaps it stayed dormant this long out of self preservation. In the tree’s defense it did snow here about a month ago. Perhaps it stayed dormant so it didn’t get hurt, or lose its limbs.
Whatever its reasoning I do know that when it does blossom it is absolutely beautiful and it provides the largest amount of shade for us. Perhaps that is why I so want it to bloom because I know its full potential.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the thought that I had this weekend – Jealousy and bitterness robs us of the Hope and Anticipation of what God is going to do in us and through us.
I have decided instead of focusing on what has happened in the past and on things that others are able or ‘getting’ to do that I need to start praying into what The Lord wants to do through me in the future, but I can’t do that if I my thoughts are a quagmire jealousy and bitterness. I am determined to have thoughts that are focused on Hope and Anticipation. (even if it kills me)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Freedom
I got to steal away with my husband Saturday night!
DH wanted to go hear a worship service about 2hrs away from here. He needed it, I needed it but I have to tell you that this was NOT-not- not a convenient time for us to go away-- even for 24 hrs. Our house is about this close to being finished, and put on the market to sell and 24 hrs away was not in MY plan. I have a list and a preconceived idea on how I want it checked off thank-you very much!
My husband, however, felt it was important that we take the time and go. He knew I needed a break. He felt like the Lord wanted us to go. (I told the Lord it was not a convenient time that if HE could just wait until after the house sold for this to be important I’d go then… to which I am sure I felt HIM smile)
But because my husband felt it was so important (and actually arranged for a place for the boys to stay) I went ahead and went.
I was so blessed! I am so glad DH and GOD persuaded me to go.
Here is the funny part although I was blessed by the services I was even more blessed- through a series of events - because I finally realized that GOD IS NOT ANGRY!
HE is not angry when I am an emotional wreck. HE is NOT ANGRY when I get frustrated because all I can understand the worship team to be singing is “Fill my propane tank.” HE is not angry with my personality about the things I need/want and need to work through.
Wow. What a concept.
I have a peace tonight that I usually don’t have. I feel like I can finally relax all the way.
I have been reading to my boys about Who God is. I have started with God is love. (I John 4:16) We read I Corinthians 13- you know the love chapter: Love is patient love is kind…because I want them to truly understand Who Jesus Is.
I think I am finally ‘getting it’, and I have never felt freer in my life.
DH wanted to go hear a worship service about 2hrs away from here. He needed it, I needed it but I have to tell you that this was NOT-not- not a convenient time for us to go away-- even for 24 hrs. Our house is about this close to being finished, and put on the market to sell and 24 hrs away was not in MY plan. I have a list and a preconceived idea on how I want it checked off thank-you very much!
My husband, however, felt it was important that we take the time and go. He knew I needed a break. He felt like the Lord wanted us to go. (I told the Lord it was not a convenient time that if HE could just wait until after the house sold for this to be important I’d go then… to which I am sure I felt HIM smile)
But because my husband felt it was so important (and actually arranged for a place for the boys to stay) I went ahead and went.
I was so blessed! I am so glad DH and GOD persuaded me to go.
Here is the funny part although I was blessed by the services I was even more blessed- through a series of events - because I finally realized that GOD IS NOT ANGRY!
HE is not angry when I am an emotional wreck. HE is NOT ANGRY when I get frustrated because all I can understand the worship team to be singing is “Fill my propane tank.” HE is not angry with my personality about the things I need/want and need to work through.
Wow. What a concept.
I have a peace tonight that I usually don’t have. I feel like I can finally relax all the way.
I have been reading to my boys about Who God is. I have started with God is love. (I John 4:16) We read I Corinthians 13- you know the love chapter: Love is patient love is kind…because I want them to truly understand Who Jesus Is.
I think I am finally ‘getting it’, and I have never felt freer in my life.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Healing Balm or Caustic Poison?
I have spent the biggest part of the last week inundated with taxes. Property taxes, (including this weird form for the county where they want to tax our paper clips, and staples) quarterlies for the business, and one for the business that is monthly. Taxes Schmaxes. Ugh!
The Lord has really been dealing with me lately about some of the things that come out of my mouth and the attitude of my heart lately. AS IF I wasn't cranky enough from the taxes.
Although my dear husband and I don't fight much anymore I have to admit I have been extremely crabby lately, and I just don't feel like being nice. I have been less than patient with my kids too! That's when the Lord started prodding me that perhaps I should work on being nice.
Then I came across one of the devotions from my aforementioned book, and well I thought I'd share it with you all. Because this whole business of what's coming out of my mouth not being nice is really piercing my heart right now.
Healing Balm or a Caustic Poison?
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
“You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” Matthew 12:34-35
When I read this passage I can see a little old man on the ladder of our hearts. His job is to bring up the boxes of words that come out of our mouth. How I wish that the little man on the steps of my heart was always the good man with good words, that Matthew speaks of and not that evil man that gets mentioned too.
I’ve read and heard that for every 10 positive things you say to a person it only takes one negative thing to completely invalidate the positive. I wonder how this can be true. Then I think of some of the spats my husband and I have gotten into where our words were not guarded, but were allowed to flow freely and then I know how it can be true. It only takes a little caustic poison to dissolve pavement into smoke. Yet it takes a lot of balm to heal the wound.
Have you ever noticed that the words we use regarding our speech are verbs. Watch your mouth, guard your tongue, zip it, hush your mouth, mind your manners? The Lord didn’t call us into a passive ‘the–devil-made-me-do-it’ life style. He called us into an active, ever-moving, ever-changing lifestyle that takes effort and guarding on our part to live.
We have people in our lives that have been hurt by verbal poison. Maybe, as in the case with my husband and me, we are the ones to blame for the hurt, for the caustic poison in the soul. We need to be ever mindful of the fact that our heart needs to be stored up with the Word, and the Holy Spirit of God, so that our words are a healing balm being lathered on others whose lives we encounter.
Our words go down into the very depths of others’ lives where they are registered in their hearts, and in their minds. The words we say can either help create the ability to heal like the balms spoken of in the Bible, or our words can be like a caustic poison which spews from our mouths, deforming others spirits with our words. The choice is ours to make.
My prayer today:
Forgive me Jesus for the times I have been caustic instead of healing. Lord give me the desire even when I am hurt or tired to control the words that flow so freely from my mouth. Jesus I want to be used as a healing balm for you, and not as a bottle of caustic poison spewing acid on those around me.
------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed it.
Good night!
ddonmain
The Lord has really been dealing with me lately about some of the things that come out of my mouth and the attitude of my heart lately. AS IF I wasn't cranky enough from the taxes.
Although my dear husband and I don't fight much anymore I have to admit I have been extremely crabby lately, and I just don't feel like being nice. I have been less than patient with my kids too! That's when the Lord started prodding me that perhaps I should work on being nice.
Then I came across one of the devotions from my aforementioned book, and well I thought I'd share it with you all. Because this whole business of what's coming out of my mouth not being nice is really piercing my heart right now.
Healing Balm or a Caustic Poison?
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
“You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” Matthew 12:34-35
When I read this passage I can see a little old man on the ladder of our hearts. His job is to bring up the boxes of words that come out of our mouth. How I wish that the little man on the steps of my heart was always the good man with good words, that Matthew speaks of and not that evil man that gets mentioned too.
I’ve read and heard that for every 10 positive things you say to a person it only takes one negative thing to completely invalidate the positive. I wonder how this can be true. Then I think of some of the spats my husband and I have gotten into where our words were not guarded, but were allowed to flow freely and then I know how it can be true. It only takes a little caustic poison to dissolve pavement into smoke. Yet it takes a lot of balm to heal the wound.
Have you ever noticed that the words we use regarding our speech are verbs. Watch your mouth, guard your tongue, zip it, hush your mouth, mind your manners? The Lord didn’t call us into a passive ‘the–devil-made-me-do-it’ life style. He called us into an active, ever-moving, ever-changing lifestyle that takes effort and guarding on our part to live.
We have people in our lives that have been hurt by verbal poison. Maybe, as in the case with my husband and me, we are the ones to blame for the hurt, for the caustic poison in the soul. We need to be ever mindful of the fact that our heart needs to be stored up with the Word, and the Holy Spirit of God, so that our words are a healing balm being lathered on others whose lives we encounter.
Our words go down into the very depths of others’ lives where they are registered in their hearts, and in their minds. The words we say can either help create the ability to heal like the balms spoken of in the Bible, or our words can be like a caustic poison which spews from our mouths, deforming others spirits with our words. The choice is ours to make.
My prayer today:
Forgive me Jesus for the times I have been caustic instead of healing. Lord give me the desire even when I am hurt or tired to control the words that flow so freely from my mouth. Jesus I want to be used as a healing balm for you, and not as a bottle of caustic poison spewing acid on those around me.
------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed it.
Good night!
ddonmain
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