I decided to stay a little longer at church service this morning than I usually do. More often than not I grab my stuff and go before the benediction song is done. I used to stay and seek the Lord at the altar after church but something happened to us at a different church about eight years ago and I just can’t bring myself to connect again with others on that level it truly freaks me out. I want to but I am not ready to put myself out there like that again. But that is not what this post is about.
So after the benediction prayer the worship team sings about four or five songs to bless the altar time and finish the service. As I was standing at my seat worshipping I envisioned myself walking up this path and I was weary, not necessarily physically but emotionally, mentally etc. The odd thing is instead of being in color the vision I had was in a brown hue. The land was dusty and parched void of any living plant.
I stopped walking. It wasn’t really a resting place. There was a big rock but no place for me to sit, there was nothing for me to drink yet I could not go another step. I was weary from my journey. I had a big over-stuffed back-pack I took off my back and put down onto the ground. I was sick of it and of carrying its weight. It had worn me down. So I quit.
Even though the things in the pack were once things of the utmost importance to me it no longer mattered to me if I got them to the place they needed to go. I had drained every ounce of my being trying to make those things function and to get them where they needed to be.
Immediately Jesus was there. He picked the pack up and slung it over his right shoulder and grabbed my right hand with His left and we started walking together.
I just thought I’d share.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Incense
We as a church body have been reading through the Bible this year. I have chosen to read out loud to my kids and because of one reason or another I am quite behind where I should be but am making steady progress to get finished. I am somewhere between a steam roller and a freight train in my focus.
Earlier this past week I started reading the book of Revelation. I have always been fascinated by Rev. 5:8 “And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people.” I am fascinated by the fact that God values the prayers of His people; He keeps them, they are savored, and they are a pleasing aroma to Him.
Last night I was reading Revelation 8 “ 1 When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. 2 And I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and seven trumpets were given to them. 3 Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne. 4 The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand. 5 Then the angel took the censer, filled it with fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth; and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightning and an earthquake.” I so was overcome with emotion I had to stop reading. There was something so poignant about the prolonged silenced coupled with the preciousness of our prayers –my prayers- the tears just flowed. It was deeply personal.
This flood of realization came over my mind ~ the prayers aren’t segregated. One person’s prayer isn’t more important or more special than the others. Our prayers, my prayers, aren’t graded and they aren’t scaled. They are all precious and mixed together for the Purpose of the Almighty; and I am.in.awe.
(Scripture quotes from NIV)
Earlier this past week I started reading the book of Revelation. I have always been fascinated by Rev. 5:8 “And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people.” I am fascinated by the fact that God values the prayers of His people; He keeps them, they are savored, and they are a pleasing aroma to Him.
Last night I was reading Revelation 8 “ 1 When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. 2 And I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and seven trumpets were given to them. 3 Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne. 4 The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand. 5 Then the angel took the censer, filled it with fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth; and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightning and an earthquake.” I so was overcome with emotion I had to stop reading. There was something so poignant about the prolonged silenced coupled with the preciousness of our prayers –my prayers- the tears just flowed. It was deeply personal.
This flood of realization came over my mind ~ the prayers aren’t segregated. One person’s prayer isn’t more important or more special than the others. Our prayers, my prayers, aren’t graded and they aren’t scaled. They are all precious and mixed together for the Purpose of the Almighty; and I am.in.awe.
(Scripture quotes from NIV)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Step by Step
I know where I am to end up in this life by that I mean I know what it is I have been called to do; I can see it in the distance.
The problem is I have no idea how to from point A to point B. The funny thing is I can see the end of the pathway just not the path. No markers that say ‘this way’ or signs that say ‘stay off this path!’.
I guess this is where the saying of walking out your faith comes from. It reminds me of one of the Star Wars movies…or was it an Indiana Jones? I am certain Harrison Ford is in it at any rate. He and his companions come to a place where they are trapped. They cannot go backwards as the door is either locked behind them or there are enemies if they return the way they came. But there is no bridge to cross the abyss in front of them to get to the other side. So they jump hoping for the best and out of no place there comes a bridge and they are able to pass safely to the other side.
Little by little, baby steps by baby steps I will get to where I am going as long as I continue to make forward motion.
The funny thing is the more I pray the more the steps are filled in. Much to my humor they are being filled in from point B towards me.
I was and still am a big Rich Mullins fan so I will leave you with a video of his song Step by Step. He talks for a little bit first if you have time listen to him. It’s worthwhile.
The problem is I have no idea how to from point A to point B. The funny thing is I can see the end of the pathway just not the path. No markers that say ‘this way’ or signs that say ‘stay off this path!’.
I guess this is where the saying of walking out your faith comes from. It reminds me of one of the Star Wars movies…or was it an Indiana Jones? I am certain Harrison Ford is in it at any rate. He and his companions come to a place where they are trapped. They cannot go backwards as the door is either locked behind them or there are enemies if they return the way they came. But there is no bridge to cross the abyss in front of them to get to the other side. So they jump hoping for the best and out of no place there comes a bridge and they are able to pass safely to the other side.
Little by little, baby steps by baby steps I will get to where I am going as long as I continue to make forward motion.
The funny thing is the more I pray the more the steps are filled in. Much to my humor they are being filled in from point B towards me.
I was and still am a big Rich Mullins fan so I will leave you with a video of his song Step by Step. He talks for a little bit first if you have time listen to him. It’s worthwhile.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Open the Eyes of My Heart
I heard the song Open the Eyes of My Heart the other day on Klove it comforted my heart and immediately made me smile. I hadn’t heard it in a long time and I’d forgotten how much I like it.
As I drove I could see the Columbia River calmly flowing; it was like a mirror reflecting the Cascade Mountains off its surface. It was a hot summer day and it was easy to quickly get lost in the beauty of what I saw as it took up most of my field of vision.
As I was driving soaking in the mixture of the beauty of this song and the magnificent landscape surrounding me the truth clearly struck me; this song has nothing to do with my physical sense of vision but everything to do with the spiritual vision of who Christ is and what His purpose is for my life.
As the tenth anniversary of 9/11 has come and gone I once again had to reevaluate where my focus is. For me, as for many, 9/11 was the day my world changed from one of a child raised in the idyllic days of the 70’s to one where I am now in terror every time I board an airplane. 9/11 is for my generation what the assassination of JFK was for the generation before us.
I have been too focused on the tragedy of what happened that day and what it meant to my future instead of on the One who controls my future; much to my chagrin I have relied wholeheartedly on my physical sense of vision.
I have gotten side tracked. In order to survive this life I need to be Christ focused. If I am going to function and thrive my focus cannot be on the unrest I see on the news and in the world around me as there is no peace in that field of vision. This focus on the lack of peace is one dimensional - limited to my physical sense of vision. If I see things as Christ sees them as Him high and lifted up I see this life in its proper perspective which is in light of the life to come.
I have therefore resolved to ask to see all things ~ from current events to the actions of other people ~ through His eyes.
I have posted a link to a version of Michael W. Smith singing this song and at the beginning he says “We want to see things for the way they really are.”
As I drove I could see the Columbia River calmly flowing; it was like a mirror reflecting the Cascade Mountains off its surface. It was a hot summer day and it was easy to quickly get lost in the beauty of what I saw as it took up most of my field of vision.
As I was driving soaking in the mixture of the beauty of this song and the magnificent landscape surrounding me the truth clearly struck me; this song has nothing to do with my physical sense of vision but everything to do with the spiritual vision of who Christ is and what His purpose is for my life.
As the tenth anniversary of 9/11 has come and gone I once again had to reevaluate where my focus is. For me, as for many, 9/11 was the day my world changed from one of a child raised in the idyllic days of the 70’s to one where I am now in terror every time I board an airplane. 9/11 is for my generation what the assassination of JFK was for the generation before us.
I have been too focused on the tragedy of what happened that day and what it meant to my future instead of on the One who controls my future; much to my chagrin I have relied wholeheartedly on my physical sense of vision.
I have gotten side tracked. In order to survive this life I need to be Christ focused. If I am going to function and thrive my focus cannot be on the unrest I see on the news and in the world around me as there is no peace in that field of vision. This focus on the lack of peace is one dimensional - limited to my physical sense of vision. If I see things as Christ sees them as Him high and lifted up I see this life in its proper perspective which is in light of the life to come.
I have therefore resolved to ask to see all things ~ from current events to the actions of other people ~ through His eyes.
I have posted a link to a version of Michael W. Smith singing this song and at the beginning he says “We want to see things for the way they really are.”
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Been Awhile
There's a saying that goes something like you haven't failed until you've given up. Which means my attempt to be a blogger hasn't failed even after a year of absence because here I am writing again.
I realize I still have a lot I'd like to say, a lot I'd like to share so for what it's worth share it I will.
Lately I have been thinking of the Grace and Mercy that has been extended to us as humans; me specifically. How it is so easy to waste that Grace to toss it out like yesterdays coffee in today's travel mug. At times I fail miserably lavishing it on others and fail to drink it in myself.
My life would be tremendously different if I followed what I truly believed. Yet today is a new day. His Mercies were new this morning and I guess that's what Grace is all about; believing I get another chance today to try again. As long as I keep trying I haven't failed.
There is no safer place than in Christ's Grace to try again.
I realize I still have a lot I'd like to say, a lot I'd like to share so for what it's worth share it I will.
Lately I have been thinking of the Grace and Mercy that has been extended to us as humans; me specifically. How it is so easy to waste that Grace to toss it out like yesterdays coffee in today's travel mug. At times I fail miserably lavishing it on others and fail to drink it in myself.
My life would be tremendously different if I followed what I truly believed. Yet today is a new day. His Mercies were new this morning and I guess that's what Grace is all about; believing I get another chance today to try again. As long as I keep trying I haven't failed.
There is no safer place than in Christ's Grace to try again.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Grace Flows Down.
I am a perfectionist at heart. Well, actually a reverse perfectionist which maybe even worse because I tend to get stuck like a deer in the head lights if I am not able to perform a task perfectly. I find it hard to accomplish a lot of things even though I have some big dreams.
I can keep the house clean and manage the laundry… for the most part. However there is a task I was asked to do and accepted responsibility to do but feel like I am stuck spinning my wheels.
Oh it’s not entirely my fault. The road to completion is in the process of being revamped. * For more than a year I have felt as if someone dropped me off in the middle of a blizzard on a steep-snowy-icy-mountain pass without a 4x4 or chains to get me to where I need to go.
I’m not mad. It’s nobody’s fault. On the contrary I want to please so bad I tend to make myself sick. It has in fact been the perfect breeding ground for the voice of the accuser of the brethren; and although I recognize and can combat that wicked voice even the strongest warrior gets fatigued and discouraged. Somehow in that place of mental fatigue those seeds of discouragement took root I lost my perspective. I started to believe the lie that I dropped the ball that everyone was talking about the terrible job I was doing and because of this I felt like I was floundering. And I started to feel like I was spiritually floundering. Everything I tried to do or every attempt I made to progress landed flat.
That all changed at church a couple of weeks ago during worship. We were singing Grace Flows Down. As I was singing with my arms in the air praising the Lord in my mind’s eye I saw His Grace, His Blood, flowing over me from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet and I am free!
Whatever my failings (whether true failings, or things twisted in my mind to look like failings...) they are covered. Whatever I lack He supplies. Whether I am battle weary or victorious whenever I need Him He is there.
(*As a side note the Ministry Information that was being revamped that I have been waiting for over a year was just recently released and I am now learning online how to ‘do’ this!)
I am a perfectionist at heart. Well, actually a reverse perfectionist which maybe even worse because I tend to get stuck like a deer in the head lights if I am not able to perform a task perfectly. I find it hard to accomplish a lot of things even though I have some big dreams.
I can keep the house clean and manage the laundry… for the most part. However there is a task I was asked to do and accepted responsibility to do but feel like I am stuck spinning my wheels.
Oh it’s not entirely my fault. The road to completion is in the process of being revamped. * For more than a year I have felt as if someone dropped me off in the middle of a blizzard on a steep-snowy-icy-mountain pass without a 4x4 or chains to get me to where I need to go.
I’m not mad. It’s nobody’s fault. On the contrary I want to please so bad I tend to make myself sick. It has in fact been the perfect breeding ground for the voice of the accuser of the brethren; and although I recognize and can combat that wicked voice even the strongest warrior gets fatigued and discouraged. Somehow in that place of mental fatigue those seeds of discouragement took root I lost my perspective. I started to believe the lie that I dropped the ball that everyone was talking about the terrible job I was doing and because of this I felt like I was floundering. And I started to feel like I was spiritually floundering. Everything I tried to do or every attempt I made to progress landed flat.
That all changed at church a couple of weeks ago during worship. We were singing Grace Flows Down. As I was singing with my arms in the air praising the Lord in my mind’s eye I saw His Grace, His Blood, flowing over me from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet and I am free!
Whatever my failings (whether true failings, or things twisted in my mind to look like failings...) they are covered. Whatever I lack He supplies. Whether I am battle weary or victorious whenever I need Him He is there.
(*As a side note the Ministry Information that was being revamped that I have been waiting for over a year was just recently released and I am now learning online how to ‘do’ this!)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Stand
The Stand is a new to me worship song that we sang in church a couple of weeks ago. It really moved me.
As we were standing in worship we came to the part of the song that says:
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I felt the Lord whisper a question to my spirit. “You were willing to sell ‘it all’ to go to Nicaragua, are you willing to ‘sell it all’ to stay in the United States and minister to those who need ME here?” …and oddly enough after He finished His question I felt a release, and a door close to Nicaragua, and I am grieving for it all over again.
It is a lot easier for me to imagine that The Great Commission means to go to a mission field faraway rather than a mission field here in the US.
Yet I realize The Great Commission isn’t about what I think makes sense; but what the Father has planned.
Here is a link to one of the versions of the song on YouTube, followed by the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1JyZ5yvE0&feature=related
THE STAND
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
As we were standing in worship we came to the part of the song that says:
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I felt the Lord whisper a question to my spirit. “You were willing to sell ‘it all’ to go to Nicaragua, are you willing to ‘sell it all’ to stay in the United States and minister to those who need ME here?” …and oddly enough after He finished His question I felt a release, and a door close to Nicaragua, and I am grieving for it all over again.
It is a lot easier for me to imagine that The Great Commission means to go to a mission field faraway rather than a mission field here in the US.
Yet I realize The Great Commission isn’t about what I think makes sense; but what the Father has planned.
Here is a link to one of the versions of the song on YouTube, followed by the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1JyZ5yvE0&feature=related
THE STAND
You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand
You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
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