Who’s your neighbor?

I saw this cartoon the other day on a Facebook page. I immediately saved it to my PC, printed it out, and hung it on my refrigerator. It is a theme I have been mulling over in my mind for almost two weeks mainly because I am lacking finesse in this area. When I am angry I am angry and I could care less about caring for anyone. Instead of sheltering someone with an umbrella when I am mad I would rather poke them in the eye with it. However, rest assured, I never do.

We are just home from a 5 day, 5 states, 2,000 miles + road trip to Yellowstone. What fun it was…until it wasn’t. With that many hours and miles in the car we were bound to get on each other’s nerves. All four of us strong willed and me the only girl. Boundaries weren’t respected which finally chipped away at my patience. Things were said that weren’t really meant. Much to my mortification there were several times I thought we were acting more like the family on Honey-Boo-Boo than we were ourselves. I sometimes wonder what makes my family act they way they do.

This ecard sums it up nicely…

I have been doing a lot of soul searching since we have been home because truthfully I am not sure what makes me sometimes act the way I do. I understand my people may not have been respecting boundaries on our vacation and they need to own their behavior. That being said I am choosing to focus on me since my behavior is the only behavior I can truly control. I am working on the difference in kindly setting boundaries in the calm and yelling trying to enforce them in the middle of the storm.

This soul searching and wondering makes the perfect segue to the second issue I have been mulling over for awhile.

I was standing out on the front porch talking to our friend and sort of neighbor Tom a month or so ago. He and his wife bought ten acres from us and they periodically stay on their property on the weekends. When they come to visit we have some great conversations.

On this particular day Tom started talking about the story of the Good Samaritan from Luke 10. In one sermon Tom heard on the Good Samaritan the speaker posed the question of ‘who is your neighbor?’ In addition to the usual answer of “everyone is your neighbor” the speaker had posed the question what if those living inside our households are our neighbor?

Here’s the parable from The Message:

Luke 10:25-37

The Message (MSG)

Defining “Neighbor”

²⁵ Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. “Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?”

²⁶ He answered, “What’s written in God’s Law? How do you interpret it?”

²⁷ He said, “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself.”

²⁸ “Good answer!” said Jesus. “Do it and you’ll live.”

²⁹ Looking for a loophole, he asked, “And just how would you define ‘neighbor’?”

^30-32 Jesus answered by telling a story. “There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

^33-35 “A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man’s condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I’ll pay you on my way back.’

³⁶ “What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?”

³⁷ “The one who treated him kindly,” the religion scholar responded.

Jesus said, “Go and do the same.”

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+10%3A25-37&version=MSG

The point I took away from the conversation with Tom is we (I) need to be in tune with the people in our household. Unlike the man on the road to Jericho sometimes our families’ wounds are not going to obvious to the physical eye. Sometimes the wounds are going to be soul wounds caused by others or caused by ourselves. Which means sometimes we will lash out at each other in our woundedness, or in our selfishness.

For those of you who have heard me speak you know I am fascinated by word definitions. So I looked up the meaning of kindness in Greek here http://biblesuite.com/greek/5485.htm . I love this word! Here is the definition of kindness it is the same as the word grace:

“xáris ("grace") answers directly to the Hebrew (OT) term 2580 /Kaná ("grace, extension-toward"). Both refer to God freely extending Himself (His favor, grace), reaching (inclining) to people because He is disposed to bless (be near) them.”

The Samaritan’s heart went out to the man who was beaten. So as the mother/wife of this home I need to be reaching towards my family (not to smite their smart mouths) but to extend God’s kindness to them.

I am convinced this kindness includes setting healthy boundaries which govern our words and actions when we are upset with each other. This kindness sets boundaries in which we all can healthily and freely express ourselves and function.

I can’t imagine the stress that comes with being a teenager today. I also can’t imagine the stress my husband has with being the primary, and for most of our marriage, the only breadwinner in this house. Does this stress excuse unhealthy behavior? Absolutely not! But me reacting to their unkindness in an unkind way only adds fuel to the fire. As an extension of the Lord’s hand I need to practice kindness in my own household first. I need to be inclined to look past behavior and get to the real issues at hand, and if my words add to the ugliness I am not helping anyone. Especially me.

It looks like it’s time to brush the dust off the Love and Logic books and relearn some phrases to help with setting healthy boundaries!

Missing the Spectacular

The morning of the third game of the All Star tournament dawned and for some reason I woke up nervous, pacey, and antsy. Doug and Thomas weren’t with us so I was able to let Andrew sleep late.

As I let Andy sleep I paced the motel-room floor and prayed. This third game was significant for several reasons. Our team was undefeated so far in the tournament. This would be the toughest opponent we had faced to date and to keep our win/loss record we needed to come out swingin’ the bat.  Adding to the pressure…this opponent was the team that eliminated us the year before. But most of all I knew our team, including Andrew, has a hard time going the distance mentally; and baseball is mostly a mental game.

The manager and coaches talked to the boys about turning the page if an error was made. They told them one mistake does not a failure make. They taught them to take calming breaths. To step out of the batters box if they needed a second. To keep their heads up if they struck out.

As I paced and prayed my first prayer was something along the lines of ‘We have a score to settle I hope we cram the ball down their throats and win-win-win!’ I then decided it was probably more Christ-like to pray ‘Help our boys play to the best of their ability. Help them block the negativity that runs through their minds after they strike out or bobble the ball.’ 

We were up to bat first as we were the guest/away team. By the middle of the fifth inning (out of six) we were behind 2 to 4. When we took the field for the bottom of the fifth our team was visibly defeated; their shoulders were down their energy had dissipated. They had given up. Several things took the boys out of the game mentally. Earlier in the game our pitcher was hit on the right side of his chest with a line-drive. There was an error or two made by the infielders as he went down. Luckily he was fine (he was ok enough he wanted to pitch the rest of the game), but I was not sure our infielders were ever going to recover from their errors and it showed. I was seated outside the centerfield fence and their body language screamed defeat.

I silently prayed “This is not what I asked you for Lord! I don’t understand! Look at how mentally defeated these boys are!” I just shook my head. At this point this momma’s heart was no longer concerned with winning but concerned about the boys giving in to discouragement and defeat. I wanted them to keep their heads up.

The top of the sixth came around. Our bats came alive! We tied it up! 4 to 4! Bottom of the sixth came around and we held them! We were onto extra innings!

We scored four runs in the top of the seventh! Electricity was in the air! 8 to 4 was now the score! Bottom of the seventh…the other team scored two runs but that was it. We won! 8 to 6! It was spectacular!

I was so thrilled. To me winning this game against this opponent was more important than winning the championship game.

Later that afternoon as I was walking up the stairs to my motel room I reflected on the events of the day. How the kids had given up before a spectacular ending to a seemingly impossible game. In my spirit I heard these words “How many times do you give up before you see the spectacular DenaRae?” and it almost took my breath away.

I was teary as I thought about the times I get discouraged and quit. Or almost quit. I was reminded about the times I haven’t quit when I wanted to and how there is a sweetness to perseverance.

I had a pastor who quoted Galatians 6:9 almost every Sunday. In fact I used to let it go in one ear and out the other but in recent years it comes to my mind with a value that is hard to express. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Gal. 6:9 NIV

My job situation right now is in limbo. There are several other areas of my life I feel like are not moving forward. I find myself easily discouraged. I need to learn to go the distance mentally. I need to learn to not give up but to stay the course; to set my face like stone on the One above, and not get weary in well doing. I don’t want to miss the spectacular!