Pliable…

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with my comprehension skills. I can be in situations and only realize the enormity of them at a later time.

Most recently this happened when I was the sub for a teacher’s assistant at an elementary school. It was story time for what felt like a multitude of wiggly kindergarteners seated on the floor in front of me.

The story was about a little girl with super-curly super-long blonde hair that seemed to make an entrance into rooms before she did. As I was half way through the story one little girl raised her hand. I called on her because I thought she wanted to say something about the main character of the story.

Instead she said this: “When my mom gets out of jail she’s going to take me to the store to buy gum and candy…” And I think the end of her sentence was “and all sorts of stuff.” But I was so stunned I went numb and didn’t really hear the rest of her sentence.

What do you do with that? I meaning really. I was so taken aback all I could do was redirect her attention back to the story. When I got home that night I said something to Doug. It about killed him.

I feel so deeply for this little girl, and I feel deeply for her momma as well. It is nobody’s Plan A, nobody’s life long dream to be sitting in a jail cell promising their child a trip to the store to buy candy upon their release. The cycle for this momma probably goes mess up, guilt, shame, mess up, wash, rinse repeat.

As I walk this stretch of my life my heart breaks and I’ve had an epiphany. I have spent so much time being frustrated and not understanding why what I’ve had planned didn’t work out the way I thought it should, or the way I’ve wanted…Nicaragua, my writing and speaking, and working for the school being prime examples… I haven’t seen His hand maneuvering me to where I need to be. I have walked a path to make me who I am and I haven’t understood the ecclesiastical to everything there is a season and how it applies to my life.

I am starting to see what He is doing in me is opening my eyes to the hurt in people so I can be His hand extended. Whether it is to a single mother in the hills of Nicaragua, or to a woman who is ministered to by something I said or wrote, or to a kindergartner who needs kindness poured out on her to help her through her day.

I need to be pliable so when God closes a door I can recognize the window He has flung open for me to jump through. I need to be pliable so He can use me where He wants me to be, so when He whispers move over here I move! I need to be pliable, flexible and willing to go the places He has planned for me. This is so not me. So not my comfort zone.

I realize I not only need to become more pliable I need a deeper understanding of the word reassignment.