Pardon My Imperfections.

As I sew pieces of my quilt together I find myself holding my breath. I am so afraid of not doing this right I want to quit. The thought of this quilt with its imperfections being around for years to come taunts me. I don’t ever want anyone else to see the mistakes I’ve sewn.

          I have to keep reminding myself the goal of my actions…my quilting…is not to produce a perfect-show-quality quilt, but to give my family something that will bring them snuggly-warm comfort on a cold night, or a sick day.

          This nitpicking faultfinding mind set tends to hamstring me and keeps me from fully engaging in my daily life. What if I say or do the wrong thing? What happens if I don’t punctuate my sentences correctly? (And I don’t) What will happen if I don’t sew the seams of this quilt straight? What will happen if I don’t sew the seams of my life faultlessly? There are days I wish my life had a seam ripper so I could undo what I’ve created and start over.

          In my misguided longing for earthly perfection I miss the reason the Lord created me. I am to bring comfort, warmth, and refuge to those whose paths I cross; despite my imperfections.

So I will resolve myself to the fact that I am an imperfect quilter of quilts and of life. Somehow knowing I am making an effort to do both out of love makes my stumbling a little easier.

Encouragement/Spiritually Speaking

This thought came to me this morning and I wanted to share ~

If we have more fear of the weapons formed against us

than we have confidence in the One who is our Shield

it is time to power off, close the door to our rooms, hit our knees

(or in my case last night curl up in a fetal position on my bed) and rest

in the Shadow of His wings until our strength, our peace, and our

confidence is restored.

Scripture references :

No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

Isaiah 54:17 (NKJV) This one is awesome in The Message I encourage you to look it up!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+54%3A17&version=MSG

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

The Whisper of God.

I have been struggling with a number of things for the past couple of weeks, but one thing in particular has had me almost in a dither. I was torn between two things I hold very dear. I did not like the decision I was being forced to make. I was forced to do some very deep soul searching.

As the weeks wore on I finally made my decision. Or had I? I think I did. Grace or legalism but was it truly a choice between the two? Was I legalistic to think it had to be the way it always has been? I am sure my hashing and rehashing the subject with my husband almost drove him over the edge. I am grateful he let me have my process without his usual peremptory comments.

Then one evening I was released of my conundrum. Much to my relief one of the options was taken off the table leaving only one. I texted my mom when will I learn to listen to the voice which simply says Trust? You see the entire time I was trying to make my decision there was an ever present, still, quiet, powerful, peaceful, smiling voice which simply said trust me. A whisper I tried my hardest to ignore and silence because to simply trust was just too simple.

The process has reminded me of 1 Kings 19:11-14:

11-12 Then he (Elijah)was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by.”
A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

13-14 When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, “So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?” The Message (MSG)

As I read this passage I feel the same gentle and quiet whisper asking me, DenaRae what are you doing here? Are you trusting? Are you fleeing? And if you are fleeing my beloved to whom or what do you flee? Perhaps He is calling your name asking the same questions?

When I look at things going on all over the world right now things don't look good. Things didn't look good for Elijah in the passage from Kings either. We need to come to the place of trusting in the process and in the Father's Love which surpasses understanding. I believe the Lord is calling us to a deeper place of trust, a deeper place of peace in order to sustain us through the hurricane winds, earthquakes, and fires of our lives.

We need to be still in a hectic world and know He is GOD.

Solutionless

“Your mom hasn’t partied in years. This party ended ~ decade ago. She doesn’t have a problem with drinking and men. She has a solution called drinking and men. Your mom is not ok inside. And so when she went to rehab before and all we did was take away what she was using to get ok inside the booze and the men you had a solutionless woman standing there. It’s like holding her breath for seventy days… of course you drank… If you are going to set down the booze and the men and become the woman that we believe you capable of being; we have to find an alternative way of you becoming ok inside.” Ben Levenson of Origins™ Recovery Centers

This is one of the most profound things I have ever heard. Don’t we all just want to silence our inner demons and be ok? This quote is from Party Mom an episode of Dr. Phil last week. (Party Mom 3/5/2014) The basic premise of the show is a grown woman has spent her children’s childhoods in a bar and not with them. She has left them scattered; speaking more fondly of the people in the bar than of them. She’s left them to fend for themselves and each other. Three have been in trouble in the law; one was pregnant at twelve. The oldest two are quite frankly done with their mother and are fighting to keep their family somewhat intact.

The realization of what it means to be solutionless and the imagery of a person with no coping skills will haunt me for days to come. I shudder as I wonder how many times we as the church have unintentionally left desperate hurting people solutionless. You want Jesus? Great?! Here’s the list of do’s and don’ts shape it up or ship it out that’ll be 10% please. Even more haunting of a question - have I left people solutionless? Although I am all for personal responsibility and I am seriously into healthy boundaries something I learned the hard way eighteen months ago I am afraid we have been so focused on getting the outer actions of people polished up and shiny we have neglected to pop the hood to see if their engine was dying.

I believe Jesus alone saves the soul. In Acts the jailer asks Paul and Silas what he must do to be saved. Their answer was simple “Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.” Acts 16:30b-31(NLT)

We need to be the carrier of soul-salve, embodied in the fruit of the Spirit; honesty, kindness, peace, gentleness, and wisdom. We can mentor people while allowing the Holy Spirit to work His inner healing so people are ok on the inside. We can encourage people to change the atmosphere in their homes and lives. Simple things such as setting aside fifteen minutes a day to read words of healing from great introductory books of the Bible such as John, Acts, Psalms, and Proverbs. We teach them to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal Himself to them. Another very simple act is to listen exclusively to Christian music for a while. K-Love suggests thirty days. (I try to do this especially if I am going through a rough patch with my husband. I figure listening to Kenny Chesney You and tequila make me crazy… or The Band Perry’s All I wanna be is done… isn’t going to foster a spirit of staying together. Although these songs can be cathartic one time through if I am listening to a steady diet of being done it doesn’t help me reach my goal of staying together.)

It is by availing ourselves to the voice of the Holy Spirit we see true supernatural healing come. Through His wisdom He trades our solutions of self-destruction for His solutions of inner healing and wholeness.

Hoarders.

We watched three and a half episodes of Hoarders last night. Why? I have no idea. The behaviorist in me is completely, mortifyingly, fascinated by the program in a mind numbing sort of way. I sit in a dazed stage of shock the entire time I am watching the show.

I find myself vacillating between astonishment at the state to which these people have allowed their lives to deteriorate; disgust at the animal feces buried under feet of garbage; and compassion for them that they are unable to help themselves from living in such deplorable conditions.

I marvel at the ability of the counselors and the organizational professionals to be able to enter into the world of the hoarders and be compassionate. Not once did they blurt out shock or profanity at the reprehensible squalor that was these peoples' lives. I watched the facial expressions of the professionals and not once did I see them flinch in disgust or horror. They would matter of factly, and without judgement time and again ask 'and what is this room used for'? Even when the stench made the professionals gag they only pointed out it was a health hazard, and for everyone's safety they would need to leave the room.

As the hoarders and their helpers started the clean-up process the professionals made it clear it was important for the hoarders to be the ones in control. For healing purposes the hoarders needed to have the last say in what stayed and what was loaded onto trucks and hauled away. The professionals were then kind and straight forward with the hoarders. The professionals challenged the hoarders to relinquish control to the professionals, and their trusted loved ones. They were all there to help the hoarders dig out from the mess they had made, and heal.

As I sat and watched these episodes with my family I told my husband it is a cycle of shame that keeps these people in a prison of their own making. It is shame which keeps them from being able to see and admit how bad their situation is. It is shame that lies to them and tells them they are unworthy of help.

As I was brushing my teeth getting ready to head to bed I realized the Lord is like the professionals and we are like the hoarders. We hold onto the wrongs committed by us or against us unable to let them go. We build barriers around us to insulate us from the overwhelming sense of shame and to keep from being hurt more. The unfortunate thing is these barriers make us prisoners to our own dysfunction.

This is when Jesus steps in and rescues us; if we allow Him to. He walks into the midst of our mess no matter how deep, and without flinching He asks us about the brokenness around us.

He does not demean. He does not shame. He does not yell. He with infinite Mercy and Grace asks us to relinquish control to Him, and to trust in His love so He can help us become functional and whole.

Soothing, healing, comforting, compassionate, peace; salve. These are the words which are settled in my spirit today.

Waxing Eloquent

“…this faith…It’s our handle on what we can’t see.” Hebrews 11:1-2 (MSG)

I’ve felt lousy off and on for the biggest part of three months and even though I am on the mend I just am not that inspired nor do I feel inspiring. I’ve had writer’s block for about six weeks now. I have several ideas and I even tried to write a paragraph or two but my writing just seemed lumpy and bland. I want so much to write and blog words that matter.

This morning as I was sitting on my front porch, eyes closed, face to the sun-breaking sky, on this the first day of tolerable above freezing temperatures in a long time I thought of a situation my husband and I have been praying into. Our hope is the outcome would be one which breathes life, health and functionality to all involved. Things are being shaken in this situation but I have to admit as an outsider looking in things appear not to be leveling off and being rebuilt. It almost seems as if a sinkhole has opened up and is about to swallow all involved.

Huh; hmmm and all of those other pondering words. This is not what I had in mind when I was praying. In fact the opposite of what I would do if I were in charge of the universe is happening. But as I was swinging in the sunshine on my front porch the following are the word pictures and thoughts that were impressed on my mind.

If you take a sickle and swipe it at a plant you’ve still left the roots to take hold, go deeper, and shoot another sprout above ground. However, if you get down closer to the dirt, get your hands dirty, dig around, pull, tug, dig a little deeper you don’t just cut the thing you can see you get to the literal root of the problem.

Sure there is by far more effort exerted to get a deep rooted long existing plant up out of the ground than what it takes to swipe a sickle at the above ground foliage. The digging may even leave us exhausted. The process will most likely cause a blister or may even leave us a little calloused and bruised but in the end if we persevere the problem will be gone.

So today for the first time in a long time I can see by faith past what is to what will be. For the first time in a long time I feel where we are in this situation is not the destination but part of the pot holed path we must traverse.

I so want to bring encouragement to everyone who stumbles upon and reads my writings yet lately what I have been feeling just doesn’t fit into the encouragement category. I decided today encouragement doesn’t only come through distant mountain tops of rainbow sprinkles and sunshine. Sometimes encouragement comes from standing knee deep in the mucky ditch of life declaring this is not my destination!

Remember Your Water!

As the New Year approached I gave a lot of thought to what my New Year’s resolution should be. Most of the time my resolutions have to do with dieting and eating better and walking more, and I am usually good for a couple of months and then well…

As I was reading my Facebook feed one morning a friend of mine had posted to see what everyone else’s resolutions were going to be. She ended up deciding to drink more water. It was something she needed to do and it would be an easy resolution to keep. A light went on in my head. How fabulously brilliant, simple, easy, and good this resolution was! According to WEBMD.com drinking adequate amounts of water balances bodily fluids, controls calories, energizes muscles, helps reduce stress, keeps skin looking good, helps filter the blood stream of toxins and helps solid waste to move on out of your body.

I never knew New Year’s resolutions could be so easy. I thought I just might have to decide this would be my New Year’s resolution as well!

As I contemplated this resolution over the next couple of days all I could think about was the Living Water/the Water of Life. I thought about the river flowing from the temple in Ezekiel’s vision, the waters flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb in Revelation. I though about Jesus and the Samaritan Woman and how he told her whoever drank from the Water He had to give would never thirst again! Yet the one reference which stayed foremost on my mind was of Jesus crying out in the temple on the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles.

³⁷ On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. ³⁸ Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”^[c] 39 By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive John 7:37-39 (NIV)

If I partake of the Holy Spirit…the Living Water…He filters out those things which are spiritually toxic like those found in Galatians 5:19-21 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. (MSG)  

As we allow Him to filter the poison instead of spewing toxins on others out of our lives will flow good things like the list from Galatians 5:22-23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

As I was contemplating all of these things Graham Cooke posted this on his Facebook and summed my need for the Holy Spirit up this way "Your language has to be in alignment with Heaven. The first thing we teach in Prophecy School 101 is you can't prophesy over people if you are slandering or gossiping. If you want to get brilliant prophetic words over people, stop gossiping, stop slandering, stop speaking against people, quit all that negativity, and if you can, stop whining! A fountain can't bring forth both sweet water and bitter." From MIND OF A SAINT

Not that I feel that I have the gift of prophesy, but what I am called to do is to speak words of life into people. I will hinder myself from doing this I don’t start filtering the toxins out of my spirit. Direct evidence that I have slacked off in this area is that I have not keep as tight of a rein on my mouth as I should be for the past two months and guess what?! This seemingly harmless, yet conscious, lack of control has had an effect. I’ve spewed toxins not only about, but on people. I need to sit at the source and drink. Times of refreshing…

So here’s my New Year’s Resolution: Remember My Water…both physical and spiritual.

For some reason today I couldn't upload any videos but here is a link to a great song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga1B2_7IlAU